I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize