I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
