woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
splinters make it hard to masturbate
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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