was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
