I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
