how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just high enough for therapy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize