32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
