How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
