making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
