All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
handjob tips. give me some.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
