i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
