just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
