i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
