Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
