is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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