Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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