Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
