the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
