my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
