I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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