just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize