She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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