Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
how does that bad decision feel?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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