Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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