four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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