I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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