He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
