I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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