Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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