Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
