Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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