It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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