I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
