between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
