My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
