He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She bit a glass in half.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
