I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
