Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
