Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
