Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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