Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
