She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Jerry, you need to find god
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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