She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
