those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
