you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
