Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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