I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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