He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
