The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My ATM looks so different sober.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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