Got a toothbrush?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
