The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
