I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
