what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
