Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
