all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
