I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
