So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize