I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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