Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
