I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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