Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
