so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
