Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
